Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise ranking

Carving Up the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Franchise: A Gory Tier List 🔪

Hey there horror fans, welcome back to the grizzly world of chainsaws, mayhem, and family dysfunction. It’s been some time since we last delved into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series. You might recall that I’ve shuffled these rankings before and even gave my two cents on the latest addition to this gory saga earlier this year. But today, I’m serving up a special pre-Thanksgiving treat, perfectly carved for all you massacre maniacs!

 

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes, 6 seconds. Contains 1021 words

 

 

TL;DR

  • Ranking the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise films from best to worst
  • The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and its sequel are “Appetizing”
  • Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III is “Spoiled Meat”
  • Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation is the worst, dubbed “Do your thing, cuz”
  • The 2003 remake is a standout, earning “The Saw is Family” rank
  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is a middling prequel, ranked “Edible”
  • Texas Chainsaw 3D and the 2022 Netflix film are also “Edible” for mindless slasher fun
  • Upcoming “Field Trip of Flesh” horror adventure in Austin, Texas
  • Opinions on horror films can be divisive, but it’s all in good fun
  • Reminder to take care of your skin to avoid looking like Leatherface 🙂

Ranking the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise films from best to worst

Image concept by the author

 

A Trip Down Murder Lane

This past September, I took an eerie field trip, wandering through the bloody footsteps of our favourite chainsaw-wielding maniac in Austin, Texas. Alongside fellow horror enthusiasts, we raided the infamous shooting locations of the Texas Chainsaw movies and a site from the Friday the 13th remake.

Ready for a ‘Field Trip of Flesh’? This juicy slice of horror heaven will drop on Thanksgiving day, deep-frying your turkey day with a side of screams. For our international friends, mark your calendars for November 24th!

 

Chainsaw Trivia to Whet Your Appetite

Before we slice into the juicy part, let’s flex those horror trivia muscles. Flashback to the original film, after picking up the notorious hitchhiker, where did our doomed characters sop up some grub for lunch? Was it Wendy’s or Popeyes?

Mull over that while we prime ourselves for a good ol’ Texas Chainsaw re-ranking.

 

Sharpening the Blades: My Franchise Tier List

The time has come to rank these cinematic carcasses from mouth-watering to downright rotten. Here are the categories, from the pinnacle of horror delicacies to the scraps not even a starving vulture would peck at:

  • The Saw is Family (the cream of the crop!)
  • Appetising (pretty darn tasty.)
  • Edible (It’ll fill the void.)
  • Spoiled meat (are you sure you want to bite into this?)
  • Do your thing, cuz (as in, throw it out, it’s inedible!)

 

Let’s kickstart this feast with the iconic, the extraordinary, and the horrifying—The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974

This masterpiece finds its home in ‘appetising’ for me. I hear the gasps, from aficionados to casual squealers, you might rank it as the top scare. I get it! It’s the granddaddy of horror, a relentless spectacle that graced our screens with all things vile. And while I bow down to its legacy, the truth is, I respect the film more than I love rewatching it. It nails the grim, grindhouse effect; it’s gnarly, nerve-racking, and feels like a dirt-coated descent into madness.

 

A Brand of Comedy That Cuts Deep

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part Two

Then we have The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part Two, fitting snugly beside its precursor in ‘Appetizing’.

Sometimes, it might even creep above the original on my lists, depending on my bloodlust for comedy with my carnage. While it’s goofier with a capital G and never has taken itself too seriously, sometimes that’s exactly the flavor of sadistic humor I crave.

 

Grinding to a Dull Edge

texas chainsaw massacre 3

However, every family has its black sheep, and in ours, it’s Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, which earns a tasteless spot in ‘Spoiled Meat’. Honestly, it’s as dull as a rusty blade—forgettable characters, a snooze-fest of a plot, and devoid of any memorable scares.

 

“Aside from a few noteworthy aspects like Vigo Mortensen’s early performance and a unique Rube Goldberg-style kill, Leatherface III fails to leave a lasting impression. It’s the cinematic equivalent of stale bread—hard to chew on and unsatisfying.”

 

The Notorious Bottom Feeder

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation

Then there’s that one dish at the dinner table everyone just pretends doesn’t exist. Meet the Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, fittingly rotting away in ‘Do your thing, cuz’. A cinematic train wreck, starring a shockingly deranged Matthew McConaughey and a not-yet-famous Renee Zellweger. Avoid this one like it’s spoiled gravy at Thanksgiving.

 

The Rejuvenating Remake

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 remake

However, there is a shining star amid the gory chaos—the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This one proudly hangs its flesh on the hook of ‘The Saw is Family’. It rejuvenated my love for the franchise, delivering an experience that made my skin crawl in the best possible way. Beautifully directed, with a leatherface that could make you renounce meat, this one holds a prime spot in the horror hall of fame.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 remake Leatherface

 

Tapping into the Roots

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

We also have the prequel, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, which lands somewhere in the middle as ‘Edible’. It’s an interesting peek into the origins of our chainsaw-toting madman, but he suffers from the typical prequel syndrome of over-explaining things that nobody really asked for.

 

3D and the Millennial Hellscape

Texas Chainsaw 3D

Leaping towards modern times, Texas Chainsaw 3D and the recent Netflix spectacle, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022), are both adequately slotted in ‘Edible’. Sure, they won’t win awards for creativity, but they will deliver on the bloody mayhem front. If you’re itching for some mindless slasher fun with a side serving of gore, these flicks might just hit the spot.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022

 

Well, that carves up my tier list ranking of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. Whether these films have you hiding behind the couch or relishing in the sheer absurdity, there’s no denying the bloody impact they’ve had on horror cinema.

Before I leave you to recover, just a reminder to check out the Field Trip of Flesh dropping this Thanksgiving. Don’t forget to moisturise your skin to avoid looking like Leatherface in your later years; Dove can help with that 🙂

 

Thanks for sticking with me through this macabre menu!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Image concept

In the world of horror, opinions can be messy, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose your head over it.

 

Catch you in the next one!

 

 

In the world of horror, opinions can be messy, but that doesn't mean you have to lose your head over it.

 

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